I have not in the past, shared really intimate details about my life, my kids, but tonight I am lost and felt as tho writing might help. It is 12:20 am, and I am awake waiting for my 8 year old ADHD child to fall asleep. To finally settle down enough after one of the most terrible episode's as of late, so he can fall asleep. Aside from the learning difficulties an ADHD child faces, there are also feelings of anxiety, depression and anger...we are dealing with the anger. Tonight in a rage, my sweet little 8 year old boy called me a "F'ing B word" and no he used no abbreviations in doing so. He told us he hated us, he wished he was adopted, that he would always hate us and then he proceeded to scream uncontrollably at the top of his lungs. Same story, same words, just a different night. I am tired. I am tired of the fight, the constant fight. The feeling as though I am totally screwing this kid up with bad parenting, that one day he will really hate his life and do something that can not be undone. I fear all this, and he 8.
Our 8 year old ADHD child gets into such a place of anger that you cannot pull him out if, a place he has to slowly pull himself out of, and while he is doing this, I get to hear the name calling,. The words that break my heart, "I hate you" among other nasty hurtful words.
I have taken the class recently on parenting an ADHD child. I am really trying to use some of the techniques to help my child, to help him deal with some of the fears, anxieties and low self esteem issues he has related to his disability. You may not think it as a disability but it is and is more and more recognized as one.
He has started therapy. Today was his second session, apparently we need more work after tonight I would say. He has another appointment soon, I wish they could just "fix" it.
As quoted by an article on About.com, There are a number of factors that may contribute to children’s angry reactions. Kids with ADHD often have a difficult time managing their emotions. They tend to feel things very deeply and can have a hard time modulating these feelings. Both children and adults with ADHD have greater emotional liability issues than those without ADHD. This means that moods can change very quickly and emotional reactions can easily be provoked.
This nails our son on the head, word for word. Another excerpt from the article reads:A child with ADHD may also be very impulsive, reacting without thought. Impulsivity may even lead an ADHD child to respond in anger with aggression. The energy and restlessness that comes along with ADHD may be too much to handle at times until it finally bubbles over into angry words or physical reactions.
I have mixed emotions, as he seems to reserve all these issues for "at home". He has no episodes at school, no defiance issues with teachers, no outburst or foul and or hateful language. My sweet little boy waits till he gets home to unleash his wrath on those of us home. I am grateful that there are no issues at school but it frustrates me that he behaves this way around those of whom love him the most. A high percentage of ADHD children can also have other disorders associated with it one of which is ODD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder . However since he is not having issues at school the psychologist believes it is to early to tell if my son also has this disorder and if he does at this stage it is to mild to actually diagnose. It may be perhaps that while he is at school he is medicated, and when he is at home they have worn off, I don't know. Today I made an appointment to have his medications reviewed, if it is at all a contributing factor that he is reacting I want them changed.
Even knowing that he may not mean what he is saying at the time and that he may not be able to control his aggression, it is so hard as a mother to not take it personally and to feel as if I am failing him. Everyday is a roll of the dice as to when and or if we are going to have issues. On the flip side he can be the most loving, thoughtful, giving child you would ever want to meet.
Being a parent is hard, there are days when I just want to scream "this is not what I signed up for"! I never knew how hard this kid was until I had an easy one, thank you Lord for an easy one. I wonder if she feels neglected because so much of our time is spent on our son. She, 2 years younger is very aware of what is going on, I wonder how this is really affecting her. Tonight it is affecting her because we are all awake, typical a few times a week when he is told he cannot sleep in our room, this is how the nighttime issues start. But as a mother I have to think about how this affects her in the long run as well.
I could go on and on and on about all the little issues or incidents we have around here, maybe I will share more another day. It is quiet now, I am afraid to check and see if he is asleep for fear he is not. I thought at almost 9 years old the staying awake with your child at all hours of the night would have ceased...we are not that lucky.
Whomever reads this, I thank you for listening to me vent. I thought it might help to put it into words rather than cry in the dark on my couch (again).
Be right back...
all is asleep, that is my cue to do the same.